Before my son reached the age of 10, he was a master at saying "No." He simply didn't bother with the niceties of entertaining undesirable requests. If he had no interest, his immediate straight-faced answer was simply... "No."
As a woman trained to sacrifice myself for others, no matter the cost, I was triggered by the idea of someone so close to me simply refusing to sacrifice, especially a child who refused to entertain his elders. ::gasp:: Who da'fuq did he think he was???
That "child" is about to turn 25, and he still has a powerful, transparent, and honest... "NO." I have come to celebrate, crave, and welcome the lesson he embodies for me and every other woman who struggles with over-giving. I'm a budding master of honoring my choice to say "No."
"No" is a complete sentence and essential guard of your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial health. Nobody deserves your time and energy more than you do, and giving should always come from a place of fullness, power, kindness (not niceness!),and healthy choice.
I remember the days I concerned myself with disappointing others while neglecting the reality of disappointing myself. I recall the time I took on a graphic design job for a local DJ just because he asked. I assumed he didn't have a big budget, so I automatically under-priced my value - a habit many women can relate to. I wanted to be needed yet not appear needy. (You're totally out of balance when asking a fair wage falls under "needy" in your mind!) I lost money. And time. And sleep. While he received a great product for dirt-cheap.
My greatest lesson with regards to sitting firmly in my "no" and negotiating fair terms: "No" isn't a question of my available time . Or my generosity. Or my perceived requirement to sacrifice. It's an issue of my value.
And just to drive this home, people follow your lead when it comes to determining your value. How are you teaching people to treat you?
When I stand firmly in my "no," I send a solid message about the value of my time, my energy, and my money. I no longer feel compelled to apologize for prioritizing my wellness over demands for my precious resources. As a result, I experience more pleasure, more peace, and more room to give an authentic "YES!"
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