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Apology Not Included

Writer's picture: Hawa K. BondHawa K. Bond

As I continue to cleanse my body, I realize my transformation when it comes to an old habit of apologizing for being... human. Enjoy these words from the Summer of 2020.


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It almost never fails. If you spend enough time around a woman juggling several roles, she eventually apologizes for something she wants... something she feels... something she needs.


"I'm so sorry. I need a nap. Is that OK?"


"I really apologize. I can't volunteer every night for the next month. I feel so badly about that. I'm sorry."


"I'm sorry I almost passed on supporting your unemployed irresponsible ass living like a leech on my couch. I almost held you responsible for your own life. My bad."


FVCK. THAT.


Many women of my generation come from a line of grandmothers, moms, and aunts who taught us the only way to deserve praise and acceptance was the Way of the Martyr. As a result, many of us became what I call "Functional Martyrs," dedicating the best of our time and energy to the needs and wants of others - while leaving the scraps to ourselves and slowly dying inside. We adopted plastic smiles to hide the pain and loneliness of simply existing to be of service of others - including (and especially) our families. Our very worthiness was directly tied to the amount of self-sacrificing pain we could endure.


A quick assessment of the results they achieved reveals broken marriages, dissatisfaction with life, health issues, and passing way too soon.


I spent the last decade unlearning this bullsh*t. Everyone within your sphere of influence is blessed when you give from a position of power. Are you ready to let it go and be the unapologetic architect of your own wellness?

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